


peachy cosmic light

by hal9



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Camming, Anxiety, Apologies, Getting Together, Human squip, M/M, Manipulation, Older Characters, Other, Pining, Sex Toys, Sex Work, Sex for an Audience, mentions of stalking (by unknown characters)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:41:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23830039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hal9/pseuds/hal9
Summary: Jeremy had expected to be ignored, or maybe to get a straight up ‘no’ in reply. What he had not expected was for his show to be called weak, for the huge difference between their rankings to be pointed out, and to be told that he should ‘get an upgrade’.
Relationships: Jeremy Heere/The Squip
Comments: 9
Kudos: 65





	1. Peachy

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [vanceypants](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanceypants/), who listened to all the details of this super self-indulgent AU, until it got so long it might as well be edited into fic.

Jeremy hadn’t really expected an answer when he first messaged Squip. 

Not that he'd known them as Squip at the time. There was only _CosmicLight_ , that cam model who did sci-fi themed shows and took so much care with wardrobe and setting that it almost looked like an old studio production. Knowing that it was just a room in their house made it even more charming and impressive.

Jeremy himself had not started camming that long ago, although he was not a complete newbie anymore either. It hadn't been his first choice, or second, or, well, he'd rather be doing something else really, but all the jobs he’d taken had been either too temporary or ended up badly in one way or another. At least with this one he got to make his own schedules and no one yelled at him. His high libido was finally useful for something instead of a permanent source of frustration. He had managed to attract a small audience, a few regulars, not many or of the the super well paying kind, but regular enough to keep him afloat, and make him feel a little confident. Which wasn’t all that confident really, but it was still a nice feeling, considering how worthless and overwhelmed most social interaction made him feel. 

So he wasn’t quite sure what had come over him to message CosmicLight, asking if they would be interested in a collaboration. He had expected to be ignored, or maybe a straight up ‘no’. What he had not expected was for his show to be called weak, for the huge difference between their rankings to be pointed out, and to be told that he should _‘get an upgrade’_. It’d surprised so much that, instead of getting depressed, he’d promptly replied _'And how am I supposed to do that, oh wise one?_ '. Immediately followed by an apology, of course. He didn’t mean to be rude or an idiot or, oh God, what had he done. 

But Squip replied again.

_‘This is not a charity. If you want advice, come to my show tomorrow and buy a private session with me.’_

Having nothing to lose (except perhaps money and dignity), Jeremy had done just that. 

Squip kept their short black latex dress on for their private session, but their entire demeanor was completely different from the show Jeremy had just watched. The look Squip gave him reminded Jeremy of a particularly awful teacher from film school, infamous for getting students to cry during critique. Intimidation and excitement mixed in Jeremy’s insides. When Squip asked what he wanted to be called, he just blurted out his real name.

“Tell me, why did you choose name ‘Peachy’?”

“I, hm, t-though it was cute…?” Jeremy said, tentatively. Squip’s silence forced him to go on. “Had, a, a funny s-summery vibe… And the, uh, the peach emoji kinda looks, um, l-like a butt, so I thought it'd be appropriate...”

“That’s it?”

“Um…”

“What was that?”

“There's um, Princess Peach, you know, the character from Super Mario games...”

“So you like video games.” Squip said, expression serious. Jeremy couldn’t believe he was about to have to defend himself for that. He’d seen Squip lick a collectible light-saber before, it’s not like he was the only nerd here. (Not that video games or _Star Wars_ weren’t completely mainstream these days, but anyways.) Before Jeremy could put any of these thoughts into speech though, Squip spoke again. “Use it.”

“Huh?”

“Use your interests. You think ‘Peachy’ is cute, you like video games, go for some cute gamer aesthetic. Decorate your room. Cosplay sexy versions of popular characters. Get a controller, make up a game where you’re a character your audience can type certain commands which will lead you to do certain actions. Keep track of what level you’re in, level up from show to show, announce there's a prize in the end. Find your niche. There is a _lot_ of competition out there, Jeremy. Some models will do anything and barely get paid, others won’t even get naked and still get to the top. You need a business plan. And you can start by making your shows unique instead of the generic and uninspired performances you’ve been doing until now.”

It was a lot to suddenly take in. Jeremy eventually managed a small “b-but…” that was immediately interrupted.

“But what, Jeremy?”

“W-won’t people, uh, be put off with that?” Jeremy said, making an effort not to show how the _‘generic and uninspired’_ accusation made him feel. “Not everyone l-likes that kind of stuff, or wants to see it in a, um, in a sexy context…”

“Not everyone likes sexy and sometimes pornographic speculative fiction either and here I am.”

“Yeah, b-but, you have a big audience… I can’t really afford to lose m-mine…”

“Yes, it’s likely that you’ll lose a chunk of your audience. Your audience of generic freeloaders who will at most spend a few bucks to watch a cute boy stick some dil-“

“H-hey, that’s, it’s, it’s not like that’s the only thing I do…!” Jeremy interrupted, blushing in embarrassment and frustration, without failing to notice that Squip had sort of called him cute, even though they were clearly criticizing him. “And, hm, you don’t know my-“

“But I can imagine it. Listen, you don’t want to please a generic faceless crowd. You want to get real regulars who won’t think of you as a cheap or free commodity. The ones who are always there, who will be sad if they can’t make a show. The ones who’ll tip you and buy you gifts, who’ll stick up for you because they're your guys. The ones who will make requests to you, who will tell you about their day, because you’re the one who can provide what they need, you’re the one who they feel comfortable around. You want real connections. It’s all a business, of course. But the connections are real.”

Jeremy just stared at them in silence for a while, digesting it all. 

Squip smiled, pensive, and then seductive. Crossed their legs, the gap between the thigh-high boots and the short dress perfectly visible now. “Why don’t I coach you for while? I’ve been bored lately, could use a little project. And then we can talk about that collaboration.”

It was… condescending, the way they suggested it. But also alluring. 

***

Squip was intense. Made him keep a schedule, demanded work. Constant calls and texting, guiding him, keeping tabs on his progress. Teaching him little tricks of what to do and how to act in certain situations, how to dress and how and when to undress. How to keep talking and be entertaining, how to not give away everything in one session, so that they’d keep coming back for more. Jeremy sent them a lot of selfies as well. Some were requested, some were of his own initiative, and constructive criticism mixed with flirtation in Squip's comments. Or at least Jeremy hoped Squip was flirting with him. It was hard for him to tell given the nature of the job. 

It was a lot of work. They’d even made Jeremy start doing some basic sewing and get a hot glue gun to make homemade decorations after Jeremy had made it clear he was on a budget. But whenever he complained, Squip managed to talk him back into it. There was something about Squip’s voice and the way he spoke that was ridiculously seductive, not just in a sexual way, but also in a way that made Jeremy feel like he could actually achieve things. He was glad Squip was not trying to scam him, he’d probably fall for that too.

***

“ _Jeremy._ ” He loved it when Squip said his name. Which happened a lot, more than what he considered normal in conversation with other people. He wondered if he was special or if that was just how Squip talked. How different would their voice be in real life? ” _Just keep doing as I tell you and everything about you is going to be wonderful. I already have some ideas for our future collaboration. Aren’t you looking forward to it?_ ”

More than that, Jeremy was looking forward to meeting them. He wanted to meet Squip so bad. But as time went on, the possibilities of it happening seemed to be getting smaller and smaller. It was almost cruel to have made him believe he could ever become good enough. He could never be like Squip, to have their charisma, or showmanship, or to look so good. Maybe he was just meant to be a generic cam boy, like he’d been a generic everything in his life, and Squip had just been wasting their time. Plenty of times he’d thought of calling them to inform there was no point in going on. He was tired, this was too much work, Squip was free. 

The only thing stopping him from doing it was knowing that Squip would be angry. Which was also the thing. How much time Squip had spent on him willingly, how much effort they’d put into making Jeremy better. Jeremy had never felt that someone cared this much about what he did in his life before and he found he liked the attention very much.

He thought of Squip calling him sexy, which had already happened a few times outside of his fantasies. Smiled as he started touching himself, thinking not of their shows or of the prospect of collaboration, but about how Squip would be in private. How much of what they seemed to like on camera was real? Would they enjoy being with Jeremy, if no one was watching? Kissing Jeremy? Having sex with Jeremy? He never really managed to have sex the way he wanted. Girls were never interested in him, and when he'd started hooking up with guys, the only ones he seemed to attract always wanted him to bottom, and he’d always been too much of a pushover to suggest anything else. It wasn’t that he minded, it wasn’t bad sex (in fact, it was amazing to feel wanted, for someone who used to think he’d die a virgin), except that he did mind a little, he wanted to try something different. And the idea of fucking Squip, maybe rough, maybe soft, romantic, kissing them all over, made Jeremy moan as he kept stroking himself.

***

" _So, I guess it'll be you coming over._ " Squip said casually over the phone one day, after Jeremy agreed ‘space explorer gets captured by a sexy alien’ was a good scenario.

"Right." 

“ _I was expecting a bit more excitement. You still want to do this, don’t you, Jeremy?_ ”

“I, I am! I mean, I do!” Jeremy practically yelled in response, blushing at the short laughter from the other side. 

The collaboration became even more real when they decided upon a date, which both advertised in their respective room. Jeremy couldn’t help but stutter and blush as he made the announcement the first time, but according to the stream chat his excited nervousness was very cute. Most of his fans didn’t know Squip, but they all wanted to see their boy get some action. _‘Their boy’_. A part of Jeremy felt very odd about it, but the other was proud. This was what he and Squip worked for, wasn’t it. 

It was definitely paying better too. He’d finally managed to get some games from his wish-list and that silly (awesome) _Space Invaders_ carpet for his room that he’d been making eyes at for years but had never had an excuse to spend money on.

He should probably get something for Squip too, to thank them, to be a good visitor. After a while of staring at the blank search bar on his screen, he realized Squip knew a lot more about him than he did about Squip. It was slightly worrying. _You’re the gift yourself_ , said a voice in the back of his mind, and he hid his face in his hands. This recent success was clearly messing up with his brain. But did he hope that Squip would like him… Not like-like him, although, well, he certainly wanted that as well, but for now just getting along would be fine… 

  
***

  
Jeremy couldn’t sleep.

He rolled around in bed, feeling like a teenager all over again. Oh, who was he kidding, it’s not as if turning twenty had cured him from rolling around in bed into early morning hours whenever he was very nervous about a particular event. He needed to sleep, Squip would certainly be angry if he looked tired the next day. Or even worse, disappointed. Jeremy hadn’t even managed to get them a gift.

But he was going to meet Squip. In their house. And the first thing they were going to do upon meeting was some sort of sexual activity. On camera.

How was he supposed to sleep. 

  
***

  
 _'I’m here!'_ read Jeremy’s message, sent five whole minutes after arriving. It was earlier than the arranged hour, meaning it was okay to take his time, except for the possibly creep factor of standing in front of someone else’s door for as long as he had. He was so nervous, hands fidgeting, heart feeling like it was ready to jump out. It felt unreal, this whole process. He was about to ring the doorbell, just in case Squip didn’t see his text, but the door opened before he got the chance.

“Hello, Jeremy.” Squip was even prettier live. Taller too. A charming smile on their lips, looking Jeremy in the eye for the first time, gorgeous even in casual clothes as opposed to the fanciful and revealing outfits they usually wore for the shows. Their almost shoulder length black hair was loosely tied, lending them an extra air of casualness Jeremy had not expected. He supposed they were the kind of person who would still look good even wearing a trash bag, and he had to remind himself he was supposed to say something back. The corner of Squip’s lips twisted further in amusement, and Jeremy felt himself blush.

“H-hello…!”

Squip led him inside and gave him the briefest tour of the house, Jeremy’s curious gaze taking it all in. And then they got to the room where the magic happened.

Jeremy dropped his bag at the entrance and walked through a curtain, feeling something akin to the wonder of visiting the setting of a movie he loved. There was a large computer screen with a camera on top, in front of a big fluffy blue carpet. Long twirls of colored paper and fabric fell from the ceiling, to make the effect of alien plants, as they had discussed over the phone.

"Wait.” Squip said. They turned off the ceiling light and walked to the side of the room, behind the computer, to turn on three standing lamps instead. There was a pink filter in front of the shortest one, green and blue for the others. They then knelt on the carpet, signaled at Jeremy to come over, and turned on the camera. And as Jeremy faced himself on the screen, kneeling, skin a pinkish hue, the alien plants framing them both gained new life. It felt like a whole different world, much more real than digital filters. Jeremy had always been a fan of practical effects.

"Wow... Y-you're like, so pro at this stuff." 

"Yes." 

"Seriously, you're amazing.” 

"I know. But thank you, Jeremy.” Squip said, clearly pleased with themself and the praise. “Now, is there anything you dislike?" 

"N-no, it looks super cool..." 

"Anything done to you, for the show." 

"O-oh, I, uh, I don't know..." Jeremy said, Squip’s amused expression making him feel even sillier. But he didn’t want to sound weak. ”Is, hm, is there a-anything you dislike?" 

“You’re the one who’s going to be tied up, Jeremy. What’s relevant right now is to know if there's anything you don't want me to do." 

"I-isn't it, um, the audience's choice?" 

"They'll choose from the options I give them. I want you to feel comfortable." Squip said, serious, and then added, slightly confused, "Why do you look so surprised?" 

“N-nothing...! I don't, no reason..." Jeremy said, embarrassed at getting caught, but smiling all the same. Squip cared. Maybe it shouldn’t have been a surprise, maybe it was just a professional sort of caring, but it still made his heart flutter a little.

“Of course, you can also tell me if there's anything you’d like me to do to you. I do want to show them how much of a good time you’re having.”

Squip then proceeded to show him what they would both be wearing for the performance. Jeremy’s shiny space explorer costume covered him fully, but it was mostly silver spandex and a decorative belt, meaning there wasn’t much left to the imagination. To complete it, there was a little yellow pretend laser gun. Squip would be wearing one of their cute latex outfits. Next came the rope Jeremy was going to be tied with, and then a selection of toys which they might use, or not. Squip asked if he’d brought anything, which was when Jeremy finally admitted that he’d kinda rather not really have anything put inside him.

“B-but it’s not like you can’t, I mean, I d-do it some times in my show, s-so if you think it’s better, t-then…“

Squip looked surprised for a second, but then smiled softly. “It’s alright, there’s no need to do it. Can I give you a blowjob?”

God, they said it so casually. Once again Jeremy had to force himself not to stare. And to not find the way Squip was looking at him as the peak of romance. They were just being professional and considerate. “Yeah… T-that it is, if-f you want to…”

“You look like you’re going to be very fun to tease, Jeremy.”

  
***

  
The show started with both of them in costume, just sitting and talking to the chat for a long time. Calling regulars by their usernames, as Squip had taught him, making them feel noticed. It was all about making a connection. Jeremy was pleased to find he recognized a good portion of the names that popped. His guys were there, he found himself thinking. Squip pulled him closer, said they couldn’t wait to show everyone how cute he was, how hot _Peachy_ made them. Their hand lightly touching Jeremy’s waist, Jeremy’s shoulder, Jeremy’s cheek. Teasing the audience. 

Teasing Jeremy.

There was something akin to a plot of a story when they finally started their act, with Jeremy ‘exploring a new planet’, holding his ridiculous little laser gun. It wasn't good acting by any means, but that wasn't the point of it either. Soon enough, Jeremy was on the floor, the fluffy blue carpet keeping him comfortable, hands tied up above his head, the end of the rope tied up somewhere off-screen. His silver skintight costume glistened under the multi colored lights, and Jeremy was already blushing in embarrassment of the prospect of having a very noticeable boner under it.

“What should I do with him?” Squip asked.

Jeremy could barely read the chat from the position he was in, but it was probably for the best. He was already nervous enough, better if he could just concentrate on Squip only… Who was sitting next to him, lightly petting Jeremy’s body, wearing their cute latex crop top and mini skirt… None of them were even wearing underwear, Squip had said earlier that it would ruin their outfits, as they casually changed in front of him.

“The human seems scared, all alone in a strange world… Oh, isn’t he adorable?” Squip said, facing the camera. A pause as they read the comments and then turned to Jeremy, thumb brushing over his lips. “But don’t worry, I’m going to make you feel right at home very soon…”

Squip leaned down to kiss him, slow, hand moving down to Jeremy’s chest and waist, gently caressing him. Everything was unbearably slow, every movement deliberate. When their lips touched, Jeremy melted. This was all for work, Jeremy was perfectly aware of his situation, but it was still Squip kissing him, after weeks (or was it months already?) of wondering what their lips, what their touch would feel like. Squip’s caresses moved down to his hip, his thigh, and they subtly forced his right leg down so that it stopped obstructing the view of the camera.

“He’s shivering in anticipation,” Squip said, and then started rubbing him between his legs, lightly, teasing. Jeremy moaned, exaggerated, but starting to get truly aroused as well. Squip kissed him for while, interrupting it to make comments about Jeremy and answer questions. They straightened their back, poked Jeremy’s half hard cock. “Look at him grow… Isn’t it cute?” A pause as Squip read the chat. “Oh, thank you, Teddy. Maybe later… To anyone who’s just arrived, tonight we’re having a very special show, where a young space explorer has fallen captive to yours truly, one of the inhabitants of Planet X. Yes, I agree. It’s time to remove this explorer’s uniform. Who votes for scissors?”

Scissors it was. Squip cut through the spandex pants as Jeremy tried not to squirm, leaving him with badly cut shorts that covered very little, and some strips of shiny fabric clinging to his legs. They brushed their fingers along Jeremy’s thigh… And then moved on to start cutting the top half of the costume, removing Jeremy’s belt in the process. Another pause.

“No, not yet. You’re not in a hurry, are you, guys? That’s good. Yes, Devil69, that is an excellent suggestion.”

Once more, Jeremy unsuccessfully tried to read the chat. Resisting the urge to ask, Jeremy instead let his head gently fall to the side and parted his lips, moaning again when Squip’s hand pressed on his now exposed abdomen. He sure hoped tokens were raining in, he’d never felt so hot on camera before. Maybe even off camera. Squip suddenly used their hands to rip the rest of the fabric that led to his neck, causing Jeremy to jump a little in surprise and make a cute sound, this time completely genuine. Squip smiled at him, predatory.

“Did you all see that? I wonder what kinds of reactions he’ll have if I play with his nipples… Do you think he’s sensitive? Oh, very sensitive, I see. I’ll check it out for you, Yammy.” And then they finally touched Jeremy’s nipple. Lightly at first, just pressing it softly between their fingers, and then pinching it hard when it became fully erect, making Jeremy squirm and gasp. “More?”

Aware the question was not for him, Jeremy let out a lewd “Yes…” all the same, moved his hips towards Squip.

“Isn’t he eager? I think he’s adapting very well…” Squip waited for more replies. They kissed Jeremy again, pinched his other nipple, twisted it. Jeremy had to make an effort to keep his legs open, to keep himself in view. He wished Squip would continue kissing him, that he could keep his moans for Squip’s lips only… But Squip pulled away to bite his neck, and moved their hand along Jeremy’s body, started stroking his erection, still covered by the flimsy makeshift silver shorts. 

“I think it’s about time we take these off too…” Squip picked up the scissors again, made a cut on the side and casually pulled the fabric away, exposing Jeremy all of a sudden. “Now… Should I let him get off? He’s gotten so hard…” They faced the camera and then turned back to Jeremy. “It seems they don’t want to let you go yet.”

“G-guys, please…” Jeremy begged, face hot as he thrust his hips a little, to show how needy he was. Squip petted his thigh, affectionately. 

“Here at Planet X we have a way of doing things, and the council has spoken. They would rather tease you some more... I am but a humble servant, after all. However, I’m afraid he might not last long enough this way…” Squip moved away for a brief moment, and came back with a cock ring, which they took close to the camera for approval before putting it on Jeremy. Their fingers brushed over Jeremy’s arousal, touch light as butterfly, making him thrust his hips again, and groan in frustration when Squip pulled away.

“Shhh…” Squip soothed, with their voice and their caresses, and started sucking on Jeremy’s nipple, as they played with the other with his fingers, making Jeremy moan loudly. In between talking to the camera, Squip kept teasing him, kissing his shoulders and neck, hands roaming all over Jeremy’s body. They touched Jeremy’s arousal too, but only for a few seconds each time, smiling as Jeremy whined and thrust up at the air. It was almost painful.

“Please…” He begged at Squip, and then looked directly at the camera and begged some more. “P-please, just let me…”

“Let you what?”

“Let me come…”

Squip ran their fingers through Jeremy’s hair as they looked down at him, smiling. “He begs so sweetly, I don't think it would be fair to resist any longer…” Squip left their spot for a space between Jeremy’s legs, spread them further apart, and kissed the tip of Jeremy’s erection. They then removed the cock ring, held him with their hand and took him in their mouth.

It was hot and wet and perfect. Squip sucked him, strongly holding him down to the floor to keep him from thrusting his hips and squirming too much, and Jeremy had to contain himself not to call them by their name, letting out a shaky "f-fuck" instead, as he threw his head back. He wanted to touch Squip, but his hands were tied and he was completely at their mercy. Jeremy panted, turned his face to the side, wordless moans escaping his lips as Squip expertly kept going. 

Their eyes met for a moment when Squip pulled away. Their face framed by Jeremy’s legs, inches away from his cock, eyes twinkling, all of it reflecting the pink and blue lights. Gorgeous. For a few seconds, it was only the two of them, in his mind, in a movie, in a dream.

“Where should we let him come?” Squip asked, breaking the illusion, and suggestions came raining in. “Do we have a winner? If you want my face you’ll need to tip harder than that. That’s better, thank you!”

Squip’s warm mouth was on him again, and before he could warn for it, the orgasm hit him, forcing Squip to swallow before pulling away. Cum dripping from their lips but wanting to keep their promise, Squip kept stroking him until he was all spent.

Jeremy was barely able to register anything Squip said afterwards, just trying to get himself back together on the floor. When he tuned in on Squip again, he was asking for opinions on whether Squip themself should get off or not, and how.

“H-hey, if you, um, if you untie me, I c-could help you out with that…”

“Oh? That’s new.” Squip turned to him, intrigued. They hadn’t discussed anything about that. “Do we like new? Yes, I think we do…”

Jeremy quickly massaged his wrists following his release. The sleeves of his costume were still intact, bits of silvery fabric clinging to his legs as well, and he must have looked absolutely ridic-, no, not ridiculous. He was wearing a skintight costume shredded to pieces after being captured by a hot alien wearing latex. He had to be looking hot, Squip knew what he was doing.

He got on his knees and pulled Squip towards him by the waist. Squip smiled as they batted their eyelashes, pressed themself again Jeremy, making Jeremy feel their arousal. It was only then that Jeremy noticed Squip had barely cleaned the cum of their face, and that there was a little stuck to their hair as well.

“What are you going to do to me, Mr. Space Explorer?”

Jeremy didn’t have a quirky answer ready, but he dragged his hand along Squip’s short latex skirt, started lifting it little by little. Squip looked at him so intensely, it was both flattering and intimidating. He had to do this right. He finished raising Squip’s skirt up to their waist, gave a little slap to their ass.

“I think, I’ll, um, have everyone help me choose…” There was a _‘spank him!’_ comment in the chat, but Jeremy ignored it. He already had his mind set on something specific, the outside input was merely about which of the vibrators Squip had showed him earlier was going to be used. Surprisingly to Jeremy (although he probably shouldn’t have been), the big purple tentacle shaped one won by large. Squip certainly had a specific audience. Squip was waiting for him on his knees, hard and wanting, and Jeremy decided they looked just fine that way. He got behind them, adjusted their positions so that they would both face the screen, one hand on Squip’s chest, the other holding the lubed tentacle under him.

“G-go on. Take it in.” And Squip did, slowly, moaning beautifully when Jeremy turned it on and started moving it. Jeremy allowed the viewers to control whether he stopped or increased the speed for a while, but then he focused on Squip only, pressing them close together, half wishing he had more hands to touch them all over. Squip’s hand met his and dragged it along their torso, silently asking him to start stroking them, and Jeremy indulged. He didn’t want to tease like Squip had done to him, he just wanted to make them feel good (and look good, Jeremy knew how much they appreciated a job well done). 

He kissed Squip’s neck as they moaned, stroking them until Squip spent in his hand. Squip relaxed against him, and Jeremy cleaned his hand on their stomach and top, for everyone to see, holding them as they caught their breath. He took a peek at screen and yes, they definitely looked good. 

After a moment, Squip pulled away from Jeremy. They cleared their throat and pulled Jeremy to sit with them on the carpet and chat some more. They finally ended the show (without ever fixing their clothes) by thanking everyone and advertising Jeremy’s account. 

As soon as the camera was turned off, Jeremy flopped to the floor. Squip sat down next to him, and Jeremy spread his arms and legs wide, took a deep breath. The silence between them was not uncomfortable. Rest, well deserved. And something else.

“That was fun.”

“Y-yeah.”

If Jeremy wasn’t staring at the ceiling, he would have seen the enamored look on Squip’s face. “And I desperately need a shower. You can go afterwards, I’ll leave you a towel in the bathroom."

“Sure, thanks…” 

Squip left the room, and Jeremy heard the sound of water running, a couple of minutes later, glad to be alone with his thoughts.

***

“Why are you so dressed?” Squip asked, as Jeremy entered the living room after his shower.

“Huh? These are just my normal clothes…” There was nothing fancy about jeans and striped t-shirt.

“Jeans are not comfortable, just take them off. I’ll lend you something else if you like.”

“I have to g-get going, so-“

“Nonsense, I already ordered food. Do you like sushi?”

“Yeah… It just has to be-“

“Kosher, yes. Good. Can’t have you leaving hungry after getting you off in front of a camera. What kind of host would that make me?”

It made Jeremy smile, and he finally sat down next to Squip. “Okay. I think jeans are comfortable, though.” Just walking around pantless reminded him of his dad, and that would kind of ruin the mood. Squip was wearing black pajama shorts and a gray t-shirt. Casual and relaxed, it felt sort of intimate in a way. It was nice. And their thighs… Jeremy had to force himself to look back at their face, which held a playful disgusted expression.

“Suit yourself, then.”

“Have you moved here recently?”

“No. Why do you ask?”

“N-nothing, it’s just…” Empty. Didn’t feel very lived in “…everything is very tidy.”

“Well, not all of us are a mess, Jeremy. Do you need me to come over and clean your place too?”

“That would be nice.” Jeremy joked, but Squip wasn't laughing when they replied. Jeremy blushed and looked away.

“They really loved us tonight, you know?”

“Y-yeah…! I could, um, I could tell… I’d never had a room like that before...”

“I loved it too.”

“You’re like, so good at all of this… They way you lead the show and everything…”

“I know.” Squip gave him a brief smile, paused before they spoke again, softer. “Did you like it, Jeremy?”

For a moment, Squip looked almost insecure, Jeremy wasn't even aware that was possible. Maybe what Squip wanted right now wasn’t praise on their skills after all. “I, o-of course! It was great, doing this with you… You were d-driving me crazy, you know?”

“Is it something you would repeat?”

“Yeah. Sure. If, hm, if you’d have me…”

“I’d always have you, Jeremy.” That intense look again. Jeremy didn’t know how to react. 

The doorbell rang and Squip promptly got up to get their food, spreading the contents of the bag on the coffee table when they returned. Jeremy sat closer, their knees touching. It was Squip's treat, he was hungry, and everything looked delicious. “I’m really not gonna feel like driving after this…”

“You’re not driving. It’s too late.”

“Then how am I s-supposed to-“

“Just go tomorrow.” Squip said, casual, not even bothering to look at him. Jeremy stared as he swallowed the food in his mouth. It was indeed late, and once again Jeremy found himself unable to distinguish flirty from considerate. 

“Are you, um, are you inviting me to… s-spend the night?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“Where, uh, would I sleep?”

“You can sleep here, if you like. Or with me in my bed.”

Well, that settled it. And if this was flirting, that would mean everything prior must have been flirting as well, and that Squip had been doing all the work by themself. Jeremy hadn’t even given them a decent answer back in the filming room, overwhelmed as he was with his thoughts… And so to make up for it, Jeremy cupped Squip’s face and kissed them. Squip didn’t react immediately, causing Jeremy to pull away, red faced and apologizing. Or at least that’s what he attempted to do, because suddenly Squip's hands were on his shirt, that intense look in their eyes again, whispering _“Come here”_ before starting to kiss him. They kissed for a while, until Jeremy’s stomach made a noise and Squip let go, much to Jeremy’s embarrassment. 

“That’s right, we were having dinner.”

“S-sorry…”

“No need. I got all this food for you, after all.”

***

There was no camera this time. 

Jeremy’s hand trailed over Squip’s body, almost revering. Squip wanted him, Jeremy, for real, not just for show. Squip raised their hand, inviting, and Jeremy finally laid down next to them. Their kisses, at first soft and sweet, gradually grew needy, hungry, biting and sucking, hands all over each other. Exploring what felt good more than what looked good. 

“Squip, w-what do you like?”

“What do you mean?” Squip said, kissed Jeremy’s jaw.

“Sexually.”

“You know the answer to that, Jeremy.” He could feel the smile in their voice before Squip looked him in the eye, flirty. “You can do whatever you want to me.”

“No, I mean... That’s for your shows… I wanna know what you like. Um. For real.” He didn’t want to make assumptions, like others did to him. But Squip’s smile fell a bit, their gaze low. 

“I do like all those things. Does it bother you?”

“Wha-, oh, n-no, t-that’s not what I meant! It doesn’t bother me at all, I just… S-sorry, I, uh, just wanted to make sure… I n-never really did this before…”

“You can’t possibly be telling me you were a virgin before today.”

“N-no, I’ve had sex. L-lots of sex. I mean, not lots. Um, normal. Probably. M-maybe not that much, I don’t know.” Jeremy babbled, knowing he sounded ridiculous but unable to get the words out straight. Squip raised an eyebrow. “It’s just I, um, I never… I’ve only ever, uh…”

“Been with women…?”

“No, t-that’s not it, I’ve just never… topped before. If, if you’re fine with me doing it, I mean, we don’t have to if you-“

“Jeremy.”

“Y-yes?”

Squip kissed his lips, slow and sweet, trying to relax him, and then they petted his cheek, that pretty smile on their lips again. “Just fuck me, will you?”

Squip handed him the lube, and Jeremy didn’t need to be told twice. 

Saying what he wanted for the first time had been hard. Doing what he wanted, not so much. Squip’s body felt amazing as Jeremy thrust inside them, Squip's arms wrapped around him. They were both quieter here, and Jeremy found Squip’s soft aroused sighs cute and just as erotic as the loud moans had been. But only Jeremy could listen to these. They were exclusively for him. Intimate. Private. And Jeremy felt special as kissed every inch of skin he could reach before he started thrusting harder, faster.

Afterwards, they laid down side by side, just looking at each other for a while, Jeremy’s arm around their waist, keeping them close. His name had never sounded so beautiful as it did in Squip’s lips when they came. Jeremy suddenly felt very tired, but very satisfied.

“Was it how you expected?”

“B-better.”

Jeremy kept his eyes open just long enough to see Squip’s affectionate smug smile, before dozing off to sleep.


	2. Cosmic Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Squip's good at sex and bad at feelings.
> 
> (This chapter is not as happy as the other, added some tags.)

‘ _A little project_ ’ was what Squip had called Jeremy in the beginning. Jeremy had potential (they'd checked one of their shows after the inital message, from their sockpuppet account), and training him would be something to break their routine, a certain boredom that had fought its way into their work focused mind. It should be entertaining. Squip would also be lying if they said they weren’t craving for something deeper, for some sort of human connection, different from sexually pleasing a virtual audience in a stream, from being polite at the grocery store.

And so lie they did, mostly to themself.

***

Through their time together, Squip discovered there was something delicious about having Jeremy do what they said, a good contrast to fulfilling others’ requests. Even if there were a few of Squip’s clients who sometimes asked to be ordered in their private sessions instead, it was still work. Coaching Jeremy, even though technically still connected to work, did not involve money, which opened the path for other things. Maybe this was the sort of joy people spoke of when they advocated for the importance of having a hobby.

The more time passed, the more the idea of collaborating with Jeremy seemed enticing. To see Jeremy take their advice, the cute pictures he sent in the flimsy outfits Squip recommended, so that they could chose which ones to upload on Jeremy’s page, the eager way he waited for Squip’s approval, all of it made their imagination run wild with ideas for future shows. They'd thrown them at Jeremy to see their reaction: Squip pretending to be a character who’d came out Jeremy’s video game; teasing Jeremy as he held the controller, seeing how long he could remain focused in the game as the stimulus increased; Squip as an android Jeremy had just acquired and proceeded to fuck. Jeremy's voice had trembled with excitement.

But Squip had standards, and he had to get better first.

***

“I’m not, ngh, not saying I’m quitting…” Jeremy said, over the phone one night, voice sad and frustrated. “It’s just… demotivating. A-and, you know, m-maybe you want to stop doing this. I’m sure you have better things to do…”

Squip did not have better things to do. But they were not very good at comforting either, not when they had to be real. They got to comfort their clients in private sometimes, but it was mostly listening to what they had to say, almost like a priest in confession. Except that instead of telling them to pray to atone for their sins, this priest would have some generic positive reply and ask what sexy thing they’d like them to do to get a smile out of them. It was usually good enough, but not appropriate for the current situation. Squip stayed silent for a moment, collecting their thoughts, before finally speaking.

“Do you think my coaching is bad, Jeremy?”

“W-what, no, you, you’re great…!”

“Then we’ll get there. I wasn’t expecting to get results overnight and I-”

“There’s been plenty of nights…”

“And I’m not giving up on you." Squip finishes, ignoring Jeremy's grumbling interruption. "Jeremy, you’re…”, they remember to make their voice softer there, kinder, “you’re good. You’re doing well. I like spending my time doing this with you. And I know you’ll get good results.”

“H-how do you know?”

“Because I’m always right.” Jeremy snorted a laughter from the other side. It was not the intended reaction and Squip did not enjoy being mocked, but still, it was better than his earlier resigned tone from earlier. They let it pass.

A few days later, Squip entered Jeremy’s stream with his second account, to which Jeremy remained unaware. Spent a good amount of money on him, wrote him some little requests that Jeremy satisfied, complete with little keywords and movements Squip had taught him. It might have been dishonest, from certain points of view, but sometimes a little lie was necessary to keep things moving. What Jeremy needed now was outside positive motivation, and Squip knew it had worked the moment he saw Jeremy’s caller ID five minutes after ending the stream.

***

Squip’s shows were planned to the detail, from wardrobe, lighting and scenery to the acts they would perform. The audience mattered of course, their tips paid for what they would do, but it was often from options Squip would give, and they were usually able to predict which one would win. They could adapt if needed, but the need was rare. They were experienced enough to make an accurate prediction of the lowest and highest they would earn. Everything was calculated.

They would be a robot, or an alien, or a scientist, or whatever was their fancy for that week. It was certainly a niche interest, more arthouse sci-fi erotica than what one would usually expect from a cam show, but Squip had never been interested in pleasing everyone. It was in pleasing a select few that the money was at, and where their work could shine. They had a very complete service, with shows and photos and private virtual sessions, and the amount of care they took with everything was, to say the least, uncommon, but they’d always been a workaholic, obsessed with perfection. It suited them just fine.

So when Jeremy had asked to be untied during their collaboration, live, without any previous discussion of the subject, it could have struck a nerve, and it most certainly would have, were this anyone else. But the truth was it had absolutely delighted them. It satisfied them as a mentor, that their student had grown so much since they first met, from his generic approach to camming and serious need for guidance, to this point where he had good ideas and the initiative to make them real. But it especially excited him because it was Jeremy, Jeremy wanting touch them, Jeremy wanting to get them off.

It had left them ecstatic and wanting for more, on and off screen.

***

Squip would not have described themselves as lonely. It was true they didn’t have any close relationships, but it was also true that they didn’t need them. They were dedicated to a job they excelled at, which gave them plenty of (virtual) human contact and sexual satisfaction, and the idea of meeting new people and having obligations towards them was simply exhausting. There were relationships from work too, close in a way, even if carefully constructed. Jeremy was one of those relationships too, although the manner in which Squip had invested themselves in it was different from all the others.

Which was why waking up wrapped around Jeremy had been so strange. Squip had been confused, then scared and finally embarrassed, but even so, they pretended to be asleep still, unwilling to let go so soon. The embarrassment was warm, and so was Jeremy’s body. Squip snuggled a little closer, breathing in the faint scent of their own shampoo in Jeremy’s hair, recalling the details of the previous night. What was the last time they’d had sex with someone without a camera pointing at them? The last time they’d had company until morning? 

After planting the lightest kiss against the back of Jeremy’s neck, Squip forced themselves to untangle from his warmth. He made a small noise (a cute noise, how was he so cute?), shifted a little, but remained sleeping, and Squip lingered for a moment, watching. Jeremy’s eyelashes were long and pretty on his freckled face, breathing slow and peaceful. Squip wanted to stay even longer, to give in to the odd craving of physical intimacy, but they finally stepped away, put on underwear and a shirt, and went down to the kitchen.

When Jeremy joined them, his eyes were wide as he took in the breakfast table. There was bread, croissants, butter, cheese, milk, yogurt, three different qualities of cereal, strawberries, bananas, and a plate of freshly cooked pancakes. Jeremy stared at the table, then at Squip, longer than he’d stared at the food, and then proceeded to blush and pull a chair when Squip told him he could eat whatever he liked. Squip, leaning against the counter, smiled knowingly as he watched Jeremy sit down.

“A-aren’t you going to eat?”

Squip raised their cup of coffee, but before Jeremy could protest, they added, “I had a smoothie before you got here.” 

“So you just.. m-made all of this for me?” Jeremy seemed even more amazed and embarrassed. It was cute. “You didn’t have to…”

“Of course I did. I told you I was a good host.” It wasn't even the kind of food they'd usually have at home, but there was no need to inform Jeremy of that. A good host would also sit instead of watching from above, so they did just that, on the chair across from Jeremy. Their feet touched under the table. “Now go ahead, Jeremy. All this food isn’t going to eat itself.”

“I, hm, I think it’s kind of impossible to eat it all…”

“Then you’ll just have to return another time.” Squip said, confident and flirty, mind already running through discarded and new collaboration ideas, events even more successful than the first, all the fun they could have during and after. But the smile Jeremy threw them was so sweet, so shy, so hopeful, that it got in the way of their line of thought. Back in the present, Squip blinked and took a sip of their black coffee.

***

“Aren’t you going to let me in?” Squip asked, raising their eyebrows, as Jeremy stared at him, still holding the door. This time Jeremy was wearing a black t-shirt featuring a rainbow astronaut cat. Squip had never seen it before, but it was oddly just as Jeremy as all the stripes. “You asked me to clean your house, I said I’d be here.”

“I, uh, I d-didn’t think you meant it.”

“I mean everything I say.” Well, not always. But from what Jeremy had described, he clearly needed order in his small flat (how could a place so small fit so much mess?) and Squip was happy to provide. After a moment, Jeremy finally had the good sense to move away and signal them to enter. Squip took off their shoes, and headed straight for the kitchen to pick up a broom.

“B-but you’re not actually going to clean, right?”

“I am. I'll be needing more than a broom, though, so if you could bring me your other cleaning supplies...”

“No! I mean, y-you don’t have to… Obviously. I’ll just, just d-do that later, it was joke…Let's um, let's do something else.” Jeremy said, growing more embarrassed the more he spoke. It seemed Squip would have to find the cleaning supplies themself. Jeremy didn’t stop them. “You think I’m an idiot, don’t you… or gross… or b-both…”

“Do not put words in my mouth, Jeremy Heere.” Jeremy looked up at his full name, and Squip finally smiled, kind but teasing. “In any case, I enjoy cleaning, you don’t have to feel bad for this. If you’d like me to wear a something more… specific, I might have to charge you a fee, though.”

They looked at each other in silence, as Jeremy's cheeks turned redder, and he finally seemed to remember how words worked. “I-it’s fine, you d-don’t have to change.” Squip's smile grew in amusement.

“A pity.”

***

“S-so, I was, um, looking at job listings the other day…” It seemed like the start of something, but Jeremy just left it like that, nervousling hanging in the air. They’d met to buy fabric for Jeremy’s crossdressing Link cosplay, but had ended up in a different kind of store, as Jeremy was discovering he might want to try wearing something other than jeans, t-shirts and cardigans. Squip was currently shuffling through a section of vintage button up shirts.

“Why?” 

“I was thinking, I don’t know, um, m-maybe start looking for a different job? I’m not sure yet…” Jeremy’s voice matched the uncertainty of his words, but there was also a hint of hope. Squip didn’t bother to look his way. 

“What if the interviewer knows you make porn? Or your colleagues find out later?” 

It was easy to see how just anxious the idea alone made Jeremy feel, emotions clearly displayed in his face. Enough to make Squip feel guilty, but not enough to make them take it back. After all, they knew about Jeremy’s natural lack of self-esteem and that he was the kind who’d self-sabotage (he’d said so himself), he probably just needed a little boost of confidence. Because he couldn’t possibly want to quit now that the shows were going so well, that the money was coming much more regularly. Now that they had more collaborations in mind, that would, for sure, end up with the two of them spending the night together, waking up in the same bed, just as the others had.

He couldn’t possibly want to quit now that he’d become such an important part of Squip’s life.

“Besides, you’ve been doing so well, Jeremy. Why stop now?”

“Y-yeah, maybe it’s n-not a good idea… You really think I’m good?”

“Of course. You know I don’t give compliments I don’t mean.”

“Yeah, t-that’s true…” Jeremy said, with a little smile that didn’t fully reach his eyes. Squip didn’t ask. They didn’t want to know, they wanted him to stay. Would Jeremy even talk to them if he started a different job somewhere else? What reasons would he have to do it? Camming was the only thing Squip had going on for themself.

“Here. Try these.” Squip said, effectively changing the subject as they pushed a couple of geometrical patterned shirts into Jeremy’s arms.

“T-they’re um, a bit seventies, no?”

“I think you’d look very handsome.” 

The dressing room was meant for one person only, but Squip entered it anyways. Jeremy was soft and sweet and so cute as they kissed, along with their reflections. This time his eyes smiled too.

***

“Stop doing that, Jeremy.” Squip said, lightly slapping Jeremy’s hands away from each other. He had a bad habit of pulling the skin around his fingernails when he was nervous, not noticing it was happening until there was blood on his hands.

“S-sorry…”

“What’s on your mind?”

Jeremy looked at Squip for a moment, pensive, and then back to his lap. “I was just thinking… That you, um, you c-could be a bit more supportive…”

“I’ve been coaching you since we’ve met. How is that not supportive?”

“I-it is, but, I mean, ab-bout o-other things… Like… me getting another job…” Jeremy said, making Squip sigh. ”You even seemed relieved that I didn’t get the last one.” He continued, in a lower and bitter mutter. Squip had decided the best course of action towards further mentions of ‘finding a new job’ was to ignore it so that they wouldn’t have to say anything unpleasant and soil their precious moments together. This time, however, they didn’t pretend not to listen.

“How am I supposed to be supportive about that? It’s the opposite of supporting your work.” The opposite of supporting the work they’d been doing. Together.

“I, I, d-don’t know, t-tell me g-good luck, or s-something…”

“Good luck.” They said in a dry, sarcastic tone. “Is this the adequate kind of support?” Jeremy didn’t reply, just sat restless for a few seconds, before suddenly getting up. Squip almost pulled him back, but controlled themself, the urgency slipping into their voice instead. “Where are you going?”

“Bathroom.” Jeremy had turned his face away too quick for Squip to see, but his voice was strained, making its best to sound casual but failing miserably. Squip bit their lip as they watched him go. They’d apologize when he returned. Was Jeremy so tired of this, of them? He didn’t stress about bills anymore. He wanted to be good at something, and he was. And he’d seemed happy enough last night, moaning Squip’s name as they wrapped their lips around him, away from prying eyes.

“Jeremy-“

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Jeremy cut them off the moment he returned, sounding more certain than Squip had expected him to be. His eyes weren’t red, but his face was wet, from splashing cold water on it. He sat back on the couch, further away than he’d previously been, and picked at the bits of dead skin around his nails for a while before speaking again. “D-do you, um, want to watch a movie or something?”

Squip agreed. The movie Jeremy chose was loud, effectively filling the uncomfortable silence. Squip didn’t pay much attention to it though, focusing instead on Jeremy’s face, his breathing, looking for the moment when his body relaxed and they could move closer. Their fingers touched, then their arms, and then Squip’s head was leaning on his shoulder. Twenty minutes into the movie and they were tangled up in each other.

They kissed up Jeremy’s face, his lips, his cheeks, the corners of his eyes, kisses soft and delicate, unsure if they meant it as an apology or as a distraction from the absence of one. Squip moved their lips to Jeremy’s neck, hands slipping beneath his shirt, and later between his legs, as Jeremy hummed pleasantly. They were starting to kiss down his chest, when Jeremy suddenly hugged them, too tight to move.

“Jeremy?”

He did not reply, just held them closer. Confused, Squip made themself relax into the embrace, pressed against Jeremy’s heart. 

***

By the time Squip arrived, Jeremy had managed to calm down a great deal. His face was dry, his breathing even, his voice sounded almost normal. His eyes were slightly puffy, but nothing indicative of his earlier state on the phone, speech almost incomprehensible in the midst of sobs and loud breathing. Squip had understood enough to know that they needed to be there.

“I, uh, I overreacted. It p-probably wasn’t even him…” Jeremy said, not quite looking them in the eye. He was shorter than Squip, but in this moment he seemed so much smaller, digging his nails into his upper arm, hugging himself. “S-sorry for making you come, I didn’t… mean to b-bother you.” 

“You were having a panic attack.”

“Y-yeah, but. I’m b-better now.”

Squip came closer, cupped his face. Jeremy’s eyes were still distant, but they didn’t force him to look up as they usually would. Instead, they let Jeremy lean into the touch, as Squip’s hand moved slowly towards his hair, fingers softly grasping the brown curls, soothing. Squip kissed his forehead, and then made their voice as soft as they could. “Let’s sit down and talk about what happened. Is that okay, Jeremy?” Jeremy nodded and Squip kissed his hair. 

They didn’t let go of Jeremy as he told them about the man staring at him at the grocery store, eyes tearing up again. At first, he’d assumed he'd been on his way, but as the man stayed planted in the same spot, following Jeremy with his eyes as he continued his shopping, it became weirder and Jeremy finally glanced back. The man was seemed familiar, and as Jeremy was picking up a bag of chips, he suddenly realized it was one of his customers, who’d recently started insisting on taking him on a date. 

“S-so I just d-dropped everything and r-ran home. Which was f-fucking s-stupid, b-because what if he followed me, and n-now knows where I live…” 

“You would have noticed him following you. It might have not even been him, were you able to take a good look?”

“No…” Jeremy said, curled up against Squip’s chest. 

Both remained in silence for a while, Squip petting his hair, rubbing his back, worried about Jeremy and disgusted with themself. They knew they’d been selfish, but hadn’t realized quite how much until then. There was a knot in their throat, of confessions and apologies, but this was not the moment.

“Squip…”

“Yes, Jeremy?”

“I… T-this is stupid, but… I d-don’t want to be alone…” Jeremy’s voice was so small. Squip held him tighter.

“I’m here with you, Jeremy, you’re safe.” After a pause, they added, “Why don’t you come spend a few days with me?”

“A-are you sure?”

“Of course. Pack your things, we can go whenever you’re ready.” 

Jeremy would come, stay as long as he needed. When he was ready, he would announce he wanted to quit and leave, and this time Squip would let him go.

***

As Squip stepped into the living room, on the third night of Jeremy’s stay, they found him laying down in the sofa, holding his phone to his chest.

“You’re still up?”

“I watched your show.”

“Oh, did you now?” Squip leaned into the couch, closer to Jeremy’s smile. It had been a non nude show that night, where Squip played a robot learning about sex, all talk and teasing. They hadn’t yet removed the make up, over their skin and arms. “Did you jerk off?”

“I was… Um, hoping you’d d-do that for me.”

Squip blinked, surprised, and then smiled, flirty, perfectly charmed by this cute boy who wanted to order them around. They lowered themself on top of Jeremy, slowly let their weight fall on him. Jeremy's smile had a perverted yet adorable quality to it. They were going to miss it. “Well, I wouldn’t want to ruin your expectations, would I?”

***

“Squip, I’m… I’m going to quit camming.” Jeremy said, on the morning of the fifth day, while they were still laying in bed. They’d slept together without having sex that night, and how could Squip want to let go when even just sleeping next to Jeremy felt good? 

“Because of what happened last week?” Squip asked in a sad voice, as if they hadn't been expecting Jeremy to say it for days.

“Yeah, but… I already wanted it b-before… You know, t-this was always just a job, and I needed m-money and it paid. I’m… um, not like you. I j-just wanna be like, a normal person…”

“Implying I’m abnormal...?” 

“N-no!” Jeremy sat up, run a hand through his hair. “S-sorry, that was not what I meant at all… But you, um, y-you actually like doing this and you’re really g-good…”

“You’ve gotten good too, Jeremy.”

Jeremy sighed sadly. It seemed it hadn't been the right thing to say. “D-do you think this is… the only thing I can be good at?”

Squip changed to a sitting position too, knees close to their chest. “No. I think you can be good at plenty of things, but this is the only one I can be of assistance with. And I… I owe you an apology, for not letting you step away sooner.”

“Well, it’s not like you, um, had a gun p-pointed at my head or something…”

Squip considered it. The escape he was offering was easy, tempting, and Jeremy would be able to leave with a better image of Squip. But they’d caused enough harm already. “It’s dangerous to let me off the hook so easily, Jeremy. That’s how people take advantage of you.”

“Y-you didn’t-”

“I was counting on your fears of what others think of you and on you not wanting to disappoint me. It worked. I'm sorry.” Jeremy remained silent. Squip sighed and looked ahead, away from Jeremy. They’d imagined apologizing would make the knot on their throat untangle, but somehow it didn’t, it just made it all more real. “I suppose I’m the true disappointment after all.”

“Why?” Jeremy asked, after a while. He was usually so easy to read but this time Squip couldn’t figure out the emotions behind that one short word. 

“I didn’t want you to leave.” Squip admitted, in a small voice, the weight of loneliness falling on them in a way it never had, for before they hadn’t known they were lonely. “I’m going to miss you.”

“Squip… I'm k-kind of upset, but I wasn’t, um, I’m not… We’re still going to be together, e-even if it’s less time…”

“Why? You won’t have reasons to spend time with me anymore.”

“What?” Confusion, followed by concern. Squip looked back in time to see the color draining off Jeremy’s face. “This is not… S-squip, I don’t want to b-break up… I, I want t-to still be your boyfriend…”

“Boyfriend?”

“W-why are you just repea-, w-wait, are y-you saying we’re… what’s, what’s our relationship for you? F-friends with benefits?”

The word ‘friend’ hadn’t actually occurred to Squip either. “It’s based on work. I was coaching you and there was sex and… we never discussed it.”

“So you don’t like me.”

“Of course I like you.”

“Then w-what are you saying? We’ve been on dates.” Jeremy said, sure of the facts but extremely confused about Squip’s reactions. Now that they thought of it, their work related shopping sessions always ended up with making out in dressing rooms, or talking in a café, flirty touches under the table. They could be considered dates. They... made more sense as dates. “Did you, um, did you bring me here for work?” 

"Of course not.”

“And you t-thought I was going to leave you because of this?”

“Well, I don’t know.” Squip could feel themself blush in frustration. They were starting to feel very stupid, and, as if reading their mind, Jeremy asked if they were. Stupid, that is. Squip glared at him, wordless, although it might have been more of a pout. In any case, Jeremy was not affected by it.

"I'm not leaving you." Jeremy said. And then he smiled, sweet and amused and wise all at once. “N-next time you should, uh, play a robot learning about love instead.”

“A sexual plot is more rewarding for…” Squip started, and then interrupted themself, frowning. “You’re mocking me.”

“Yeah. I am. You’re so…” Jeremy shook his head and moved closer, laced his fingers with Squip’s. “Squip, I want to be with you b-because of you, that’s why we kept spending time together. We... l-like each other.”

“Oh.” Maybe they truly were stupid. It was a novel consideration and it brought more relief than Squip could have ever imagined. Jeremy moved his hand to cup Squip’s face and closed the distance between them with his lips. Kisses soft and loving and needy, and Squip put their arms around him, pushed him to lie back in bed. “So we are… in a relationship and won’t work together anymore, is that it? I don’t want to assume incorrectly again.” (Technically, Jeremy had been the one to make an assumption, but the details didn’t matter anymore.)

Jeremy laughed and kissed them again. “Yes.”

“I’ve never done this before.”

“O-obviously.” They were being mocked yet could not stop smiling. Jeremy rolled them around so he stood on top this time, slipped his hand beneath Squip’s shirt, slowly lifted it until it was above their nipples. His fingers lingered, moving in small circles. “Seems I, hm, I’ve got more experience than you on something after all.” Squip sighed, pleased, and wrapped a leg around Jeremy’s body.

“Then teach me, Jeremy.”

“Fine," Jeremy said, smiling his sunshine smile, "I will.”


End file.
